Bumblebee ★★☆☆☆

2018 film

Watched 22 March 2019

Bad in all the wrong ways, trading the gaudy excess and over-the-top action for faux sentimentality and the least genuine attempt at ’80s nostalgia I’ve ever seen.

Particularly insulting is the score, constantly trying to trick you into thinking you’re watching a cute Disney moment, except it’s an ugly robot trying to sit on a sofa and almost crushing a dog.

Turns out only Michael Bay can make Transformers movies because he is an auteur. Bring back the breakneck-pace kinetic editing and the pyramids exploding and the robots peeing on each other.

About star ratings

My ratings are subjective. I’m not aiming for a perfect ranking of comparative artistic merit, just trying to represent how I feel about stuff. Here’s what they mean:

★★★★★: Personal favorite. I simply love it, warts and all.
★★★★☆: Something special. Highly recommended.
★★★☆☆: Good, but unremarkable. I’ll probably forget about it.
★★☆☆☆: A waste of time. Not recommended.
★☆☆☆☆: Practically insulting. Soulless garbage. (Rare!)